Hold the Ham Not the Onion

Every Tuesday at work, we order in lunch from the same restaurant. It’s a pizza place. And every week for the past six months, at least, I order the same thing: veggie sandwich on wheat, no tomato, add honey mustard and Swiss cheese and a bag of chips. I get tired of eating that every Tuesday for lunch, but I don’t want pizza, they use iceberg lettuce for their salads and even if I did want hot wings, there’s just something not kosher about eating them at work to me. (I’m not judging you; I’m talking about me.) You do what you want. I’m talking about me.

Last week, when I opened my sandwich box, there was a sandwich, as beautifully plated as any boxed sandwich could be, with several slices of smartly cut–not too thick, not too thin–ham.

Wrong box, I thought.

I closed the box and read what had been scrawled with Sharpie magic marker across the top: “veggie sandwich, -tomato, +honey must, +swiss.” So I opened the box again. There was still ham on the sandwich. I gave the sandwich away and didn’t eat lunch last Tuesday.

A week later, today, I ordered the same thing as I always do and made sure to request my veggie sandwich without ham, too. I get the sandwich, open the box with the specifications written across the top again and, lucky me, there’s no meat on my veggie sandwich. But there’s also no onion. Who eats a vegetable sandwich with no onions? That’s like eating a bagel with cream cheese without the bagel. It’s important. You need onions in a vegetable sandwich. It’s the other white (or red or yellow or Vidalia) un-meat. God bless you, god bless the United States of America, and God bless the onion farmers.


~ by MsInklination on October 5, 2010.

One Response to “Hold the Ham Not the Onion”

  1. Some people don’t like onions. But some people think it’s ok to wear sandals in 15 degree weather too. The only justification for not responding to an offer of onions on any meal with other than a full-throated yes, is when you might be in close proximity to people who might smell it on your breath. Maybe one of your colleagues tampered with your order?

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