The Sweetest Taboo Revisited

Last week, a column I wrote for the Jackson Free Press, “Sweetest Taboo,” got a few more comments than I expected. People’s interpretation of what you offer them in the written word is intriguing, to say the least. What was meant to be a writing venture about a just-for-fun social/dating experiment garnered me dating advice, a date and a finger wagged in my face because one commenter decided I was closed off to dating men who don’t share my ethnic background.

One friend admonished me not to take people’s comments too seriously. Advice understood and accepted. But I still can’t get that finger wagging imagery out of my head.

I’ve never seen myself being with a man long-term who wasn’t black because non-black men don’t look twice at, approach or initiate interactions with me. But they tell me I’m the one who needs to broaden my horizons in dating. It’s difficult to be chosen by someone who doesn’t want to choose you; and it’s difficult to choose someone who has no desire to choose you.

Then I ran across this at the blog UntilIGetMarried and thought, “This is exactly what I’m trying to say.”

Of course, after the finger pointing at black men, a popular place to put the blame is squarely on the shoulders of the “victims” themselves, black women. The critics and media say, Well, you know, if black women were just more open-minded about the kind of men they dated, there wouldn’t be so many of them single.


I have a theory called the cell phone theory and it goes like this: Until we have it, we don’t know we need it. (As in, we never knew we needed cell phones until we got one.) The reason black women aren’t as open-minded to date outside of their race is because men outside of their race are not open-minded enough to date them.

Say whatever you want about gender roles and how evolved they are. The fact of the matter is, if a man takes the lead a woman will follow. So if more men, regardless of their race, take the initiative and start actually approaching black women, more black women will start dating outside of their race. I don’t get upset about the number of black men who date outside of their race. I get upset about the number of non-black men who don’t date outside of their race or when they do, they don’t date black women.

The truth is not ugly, the truth is invisible. The reason there are so many single (beautiful!) black women is because their beauty is utterly ignored by the world at large.

Read the rest of this blog entry here.


~ by MsInklination on March 16, 2010.

One Response to “The Sweetest Taboo Revisited”

  1. Saw this post as a recommended post to read following a spoken word piece I posted and I have to agree with you. Beautiful black women do get ignored by and large and its that old “the one’s closest to you bear the brunt”. Much respect to you.

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