Birthing the Entire Village

The Duggars and their clan at the count of 17

The Duggars and their clan at the count of 17

So Michelle Duggar is pregnant. Again. Child number 19 is developing in her well-used womb. I am judging her. Fiercely. So fiercely, in fact, that I almost feel justified in it and my determining her obviously DSM-IV classifiable pathologies. I won’t make jokes about how she, undoubtedly, can’t possibly get any enjoyment from the procreation process because her … yeah. Or about how she gives an entirely different meaning to the title of the classic “The Vagina Monologue.” I’m not going to do that. I’m going to, instead, focus on what can be done about it.

As I read about this sin against humankind, I had some thoughts like, “Nineteen kids is more than a rat has in a litter,” but more importantly, I had a brilliant idea. Yes, I’m calling my own idea brilliant. And if you’re judging this chick like I am, you’ll think it’s brilliant, too. I’m not a scientist, but if my mind can conceive it, I’m sure a masterful scientist like my friend Dr. Chem, perhaps, can achieve it: intravenous birth control. Just give her a Ortho Tri-Cyclen (or whichever, we, the people, have 40 brands from which to chose) drip. It wouldn’t be very difficult to do. She’s always on her back, knocked up, on bed rest or sleeping, as many pregnant women who don’t have jobs outside of the home do. So you, I and our other co-conspirators can sneak in quickly and do what we need to do with the needles, bag and drip. If she won’t plan her parenthood, we’ll just have to do it for her. It takes a village, right? (And just so we’re clear, that’s the one we form, not the one she birthed.)

All for one, and one (no more than can fit in a mini-van) per parental unit for all!


~ by MsInklination on September 8, 2009.

2 Responses to “Birthing the Entire Village”

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